How to ensure that nobody enjoys the free cheesecake

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
12/15/2015 at 14:08 • Filed to: Particularly Religious Coworker

The landlord at work just dropped off a delicious !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! cheesecake. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! kindly put the nutrition information right in front of the box. According to the label, a “slice” is 1/16 of the cake and has 460 calories.

UPDATE: Another coworker just broke the plastic wrap and discovered that the cheesecake is frozen solid. So we’re going to have to wait a while for it to thaw before anyone can indulge in oh-so-delicious nutritional suicide.

UPDATE 2: I made my lunch, because that damn cheesecake is still frozen anyway. Yes, I’m the kind of guy who makes his own sandwiches at work, because I am too lazy to make them at home, and I hate eating a cold sandwich that’s been sitting in the fridge all morning.

DISCUSSION (33)

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:13

Like that’s going to stop me from eating the whole thing

shop-teacher > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:14

You should know better than to read those things when it comes to desert.

Sam > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:15

And this is a bad thing... why?

Rico > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:15

Take that paper and throw it away. See if it reappears.

TahoeSTi > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:17

I don’t see a problem here.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:18

Textured Soy Protein > Sam
12/15/2015 at 14:18

It’s a good thing for my health because I’m not going to eat any cheescake.

It’s a bad thing for my enjoyment of cheesecake because I really enjoy cheesecake.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:18

You know, I think PRC has become just plain PAC. Or PITN. Or perhaps POS.

Textured Soy Protein > shop-teacher
12/15/2015 at 14:19

It was right in front of the cheesecake. Like, “here’s this cheesecake that still has the plastic wrap on it. Do YOU want to take the first 460 calorie 1/16th sliver of it?”

shop-teacher > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:20

Yes ... yes I do.

Textured Soy Protein > Rico
12/15/2015 at 14:21

I’m like “the fitness guy” at work, can’t be undermining other people’s fitness with hiding the nutrition info from them.

Kinja'd!!!

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:22

Oh man I’m going to do this. More cheesecake for me you sissies!

CalzoneGolem > For Sweden
12/15/2015 at 14:23

No, but me eating it first will!

GTI Sprinks > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:25

Step 1: Ball up print-out

Step 2: throw in recycling bin (because environment)

Now slice you off a damn piece of that cheesecake and NGAF.

And hit the gym and skip a beer or two if you’re worried about 460 calories.

Textured Soy Protein > GTI Sprinks
12/15/2015 at 14:28

460 calories is only 1/16 of the cake though! Who only eats 1/16 of a cheesecake?

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > For Sweden
12/15/2015 at 14:35

What is a whole cake but just one round slice? Who is to say it wasn’t a circular slice of an even bigger cake? Clearly the language allows for one to have “1 slice” and consume the portion shown above.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:37

Be a good coworker and jump on that calorie bomb and save everyone else. Take that whole thing back to your cube. Who says you can’t eat 7360 calories in one sitting. I smell a challenge.

Textured Soy Protein > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
12/15/2015 at 14:38

Serving size: 1 slice

Servings per container: 16

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:42

#thanksmichelleobama

spanfucker retire bitch > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:49

Like the nutritional facts have ever stopped me from eating Cheesecake before.

Aaron M - MasoFiST > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:54

The moral of the story is clearly that an entire cheesecake has about 7500 calories. Now I have a frame of reference in which eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s for dinner is the healthier decision.

Chariotoflove > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 14:59

The information doesn’t stop anyone from eating the cheesecake. It just makes them feel worse about it. Throw the label out.

Also, just take smaller bites. The calories don’t accumulate as much that way. Fact.

I Will Always Be The Honey Badger > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 15:00

460x16=7360 calories. Be still, my beating heart. From the heart attack that will inevitably kill me.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 15:05

But that box is just the first slice in a larger box holding 15 more slices.

Wacko > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 15:11

you can’t let frozen cheesecake stop you, that’s where you burn the extra calories while trying to cut it.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 15:15

Cheesecake and fitness can’t even go in the same sentence! I just absolutely hate uppity people like this woman, I don’t even know her and I want to egg her house.

JDIGGS > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 15:25

Pretty much all desert is unhealthy for you and high in calories so it’s better to enjoy what you eat, than eat something slightly less fattening that is not nearly as good.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 15:38

Kinja'd!!!

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 16:22

Give me a fork and I will take care of the problem for everyone else.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 16:24

That’s about a forkful, so I’d say I eat 1/16 of the cheesecake about 16 times.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 16:32

Hmm, that cake looks like only four slices to me. So more like 1,840 calories.

And your lunch looks delicious. If you come to my work and make me one I will pay you.

Textured Soy Protein > AMGtech - now with more recalls!
12/15/2015 at 16:50

Ya know, I often get compliments on my lunches, but to me that’s yet another in the hundreds of identical lunches I’ve eaten. I eat that almost every day. It’s super mundane to me. But I keep doing it because I know it’s healthy.

At some point I decided maybe eating so much deli sliced turkey isn’t the healthiest thing in the world so I switched to Applegate natural deli meat. Which is still deli meat but at least it’s from humanely raised animals and doesn’t have a bunch of chemicals in it.

I still think about ditching that and instead cooking up mass quantities of boneless skinless chicken to bring and make sandwiches with. But that requires pre-planning.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Textured Soy Protein
12/15/2015 at 17:36

I trade making my own lunch for taking a walk to food carts at lunch time. That’s healthy, right? Because walking is good for you!